On Sunday morning, I curled up on the couch and watched the last episode of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. I'm not going to spoil it for you except to say there's a few scenes where the main character is sleeping in a pull out couch at her mother's house.
At that moment, my mom walked in the front door. She'd been out running. Since I ran the New York City Marathon the Sunday before, I was not.
The reason this is relevant is because I too am sleeping on a pull out couch at my mom's house, and I too have been dealing with depression. This isn't a secret – I wrote about it in Buzzfeed, after all. But the scenes struck me for what was the same and also different. Same: In my worst spots, I also slept a lot and didn't want to eat anything – and forget showering. Different: I am lucky that my mom is one of the kindest people I've ever met, and she doesn't think that I'm a loser because I'm parked here for a little while. Sometimes I think I should feel that way, but after my life went sideways and I plunged into a darkness I'd never experienced before, I knew staying with her was better than the alternative.
I'm doing better now, but even after my trip, I wasn't out of that bog. I needed help. I asked for it, and I got help back, even if it meant shoving me into the spare room and my office onto the dining room table. My Nov. 1 move out date got pushed back to Jan. 2. That's probably about right (and on that day the dog and I are jetting down to Florida for two months, break out the sunglasses). I'm grateful she's let me rest here for a little while – and hasn't wanted to throttle me yet. Or at least hasn't said it to my face.
Have I been too much of a downer? I probably should be peppy since I am finally finished with the marathon and my legs seem to be working OK again. But I think writing about this stuff is important, especially given how much reaction I've seen to that episode.
Anyway, it's been a bit since I wrote. Yes I ran the marathon (which you can read about in the links below), I felt ill until about mid-day Wednesday after, so I spent a lot of time recovering then catching up. Also, my grandfather died the Thursday before the race. I almost didn't run because, really, why? There wasn't a funeral though and I think he'd have been pissed if I didn't run, so I ran, then cried hard at the end. His death wasn't unexpected, but it was still sad. He was a good man and I miss him.
I also have a cold. There's no way to pep this newsletter up, so let's get on with the show.
Recent Bylines
"The Running Bubble Has Popped (You Couldn't Hear it In New York)" for The New York Times (related my new nickname is "many media sources")
"After the Marathon" for The New York Times
"Tips for Spectators" for The New York Times
"Go into freelancing armed with the resources you need to succeed" for Poynter
What I'm Reading
Time for quick reviews again:
- Commonwealth by Ann Patchett. I bought this from her bookstore in Tennessee in June after meeting her. She's very nice. I'm not sure why it took me so long to read it, but it's an excellent, sprawling family drama.
- The Narrows by Michael Connelly. What better way to prepare to run the New York City Marathon than the spend the day before in bed reading about a serial killer? I brought the book with me to the starting line area, which was ridiculous. I thought I'd have downtime since the wait period is usually long. Not so! Not only was legend Kathrine Switzer in the media tent with me, but there was also a Real Housewife and her Real TV Crew (I spent most of my time talking to Kathrine and ducking the crew).
- Wilde in Love by Eloisa James. Not my favorite of hers, but still a fun, quick read. Darn her cliff hanger because now I want to read the next one in the series, which isn't out yet!
- The Long Haul by by Finn Murphy. This book and I circled each other for a while. A friend who writes about the trucking industry recommended it; then the author did a signing in Montana soon after I was there. I saw that the Inkwood Books in Tampa was having an event for him, so I bought it at the Inkwood Books in Haddonfield, N.J. I'm not that far into it, but so far so good.
I am in the last season of Wallander, progress that has been stymied by keeping up with The Good Place and Bull in real time (I caught up with Crazy Ex-Girlfriend in a Saturday night "I have a cold" binge"). Movie wise, I watched Easy Virtue, which was expensive looking and terrible, and Bedknobs & Broomsticks, which I have so many feelings about, it deserves its own piece. I tried to sneak one into print before Halloween but I was overwhelmed with work, the marathon, and, well, everything. Maybe next year. Oh and I took myself to see Thor: Ragnarok, which through a Twitter follower's goof, I've renamed Thor: Fraggle Rock. That I would also pay to see.
Until next time,
Jen A. Miller
jenamiller.com
runningalovestory.com
twitter.com/byjenamiller
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